Looking through the Broken Window!

When I was young I thought that ALL people were good.

I thought God cherished me and would NEVER let anything bad happen to me or my family. I didn’t think that people actually kissed in movies because you’d never want to kiss someone you didn’t really love- I thought they used camera tricks for kissing. 

I thought Santa was real until I was 12 and my Mum had to tell me about sex when I was going into high school. I was oblivious and in total shock when she told me that the ‘thing’ went in ‘there’. My Mum wouldn’t let me watch the 'Incredible Hulk' because she thought it was TOO violent. Yes I was the first child in a family of 6 children and I was easily protected from the harsh realities of the world.

I somehow thought that life would continue on this perfect trajectory. How I was wrong!!

I vividly remember saying to my Mum that ‘Nothing bad ever happens to us!’ Wow, did I get in trouble for that one. My Mum told me NEVER to say that again and just like that punishment was delivered seemingly for my nativity. 

At 21yrs old I received the news that my 15 year old brother whom I was incredibly close to was in a motorbike accident and we would have to turn the life support off. About 18 months after that I received another call from my Mum. Our eldest brother and talented footballer had been in a horrific work accident and they were about to cut his hand off because it couldn’t be saved. The phone calls seemed to keep coming and this time Mum announced that Dad, who kept dropping his beer if he put it in his left hand, was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and died almost 5 years to the day after his diagnosis.

So in a matter of years, it felt like our family was decimated. The rest of us were left bleary eyed trying to pick up the pieces of our world and to somehow move forward. I ached for what we had lost and I didn’t like what we had to become. A family without two of its key players and now a brother dealing with phantom pain and disability. The window we looked out of was broken and we didn’t know how to replace the glass.

We had to learn to become something totally different. We had to survive and keep living with some sort of normality. And this required new skills and they were difficult to find. The process was painful.

I don’t know what your stories are or the state of your glass but here is what I have learnt about life. Not one of us will exist in a state of constant bliss. Far from it. Much to my childhood disgust I have learnt that life comes after you and tackles you to your knees. You will roll around on the ground like the wind has been punched out of you until you learn how to stand back up.

The process of fixing the broken glass will look different for all of us and you may get it replaced only for it to crack and break again.

Life is relentless and continues to deliver curve balls but it's now 30 years after my brother has died and through living in hell, I acquired some wisdom.

Things I have learnt!

You cannot run away from grief. It will sneak up on you and mug you from behind. You MUST acknowledge the pain and the sadness. You must roll around with it and let the tears bang against the floor. You MUST let that searing pain burn your chest while you force yourself through the day. And afterwards, when the grief leaves for a heart beat, you must dust yourself off, stand tall and brace yourself for when the next wave of sadness and devastation will come. 

What I have learnt is that at first the grief feels like you are in a tsunami and are going to die too, then after a while it lessens to dumpers on the beach and then maybe eventually you can kind of bob around in the waves without drowning. It’s a process and you cannot fight it. I tried and I lost. Let yourself experience the pain. It’s ok and really it’s all you can do.

The second realisation was that I can find happiness in appreciation and gratitude. I know this sounds cliche and EVERYONE seems to be talking about gratitude at the minute BUT my life did change for the better when I focused on what I had in my life. I started to see all its beauty and how rich my life was. Focus on what you have, NOT what you’ve lost. For me, I started writing it down daily in a little journal. I picked simple things to be grateful for, sunshine on the back deck, hot coffee, a warm bed, a text message, a flower blooming in the garden and eventually I started to see a glorious life all around me. We are what we focus on and by doing this I felt like life wasn’t beating me up, that somehow I could become the referee and control the game.

Finally, and this was a huge epiphany for me. We get to control our reactions BUT we actually get to control HOW we feel. And what we feel we somehow get more of. We ONLY live inside our brains. How can I explain it better? 

My Mum does this so well.  I remember we were going to my brother's football game. He was a rising football star and we were trying to do everything right to honour and support him and you know… just set the right family example. 

Just before the game, Mum, who looked very stylish in a classy white shirt and tailored jeans, went over to the boot of her car and changed into Daniel’s, (my brother who passed), Wests Tigers guernsey that was way too tight and some kind of bright orange ‘hare krishna’ save the world skirt. 

She walked back to the entrance gate and I remember the look of mortification from my brother's girlfriend at the time. Mum on the other hand loved how she looked, she loved supporting her baby son and loved wearing her other son's footy jumper in his memory. She could not give a 'rat's dingus' about what other people thought. She loved her ‘git up’ and even though she was getting the side eye from so many people, she did not care. She was existing in her own brain, loving her life and not caring about the outside disapproving noise.

I think real happiness comes from controlling your reaction to other people’s criticism, jealousy, nastiness, spite and ridicule. So you see, if people do you wrong, instead of delving into a world of hate and vindictiveness we CAN control our reaction. I know you want to punch them in the face. I know you want to see them shrivel up in pain and trip over on that step. I know you want them to hurt so bad, like they have hurt you. Don't go there…you will only destroy yourself.

Trust me, I know!

Move on, have nothing to do with them and focus on all the incredible things in your life. 

Similarly, if the car breaks down , you drop an egg on the floor, the electricity goes out, the bills roll in and life just keeps smacking you in the face, learn to NOT take it personally. How you react, and how you think about things determines your level of happiness. Seek out all the good things and pull them close to your chest.

Life is constantly trying to let you know that you have the power to control your thoughts and subsequently how your life pans out. It throws you curveballs to see if you can catch them and also to watch how quickly you recover when you drop one.

Don’t get stuck in the doldrums, focusing on all the negativity in your life and the ‘woe is me’ rhetoric. If you do, you will breed more of it. People will not want to be around you and you’ll sink further into the black hole of pity that will eat you up!

Focus on abundance, goodness, what you have, love and kindness…if you do, life offers you more of the same. More good opportunities will come your way, more love will fester, more joy will visit your heart.

So what window are you looking out of? Is it broken, shattered in pieces? Does it keep cracking?

My darling, you have the power to replace the glass and the view you see can be so much more rewarding...so much more peaceful and so much more beautiful!

Call the Glazier NOW !