Unhelpful advice!

Have you ever received some really unhelpful advice by people who were trying to be helpful.

I remember reading this damning facebook post from a women who was telling everyone to get f#*Ked because they were telling her to stop worrying. I thought wow...it's not that people are intentionally trying to hurt you, it's just that they don't know what to say.

When someone is sad or in pain, our first instinct is to tell them that everything will be alright, when in reality, maybe it just won't.

So what do we say instead and how do we deliver the best advice to our mates who are in obvious agony or how do we show up without it being awkward.

Here are 5 simple things you can do that will make the world of difference.

1. Simply tell them that you care about them. Yep it's that simple. It may be hard to do but if you do it with sincerity it will mean the world to them.

Try this: ' I care about you and I can see how tough this is.' You can leave it there or add, 'I'm sorry you are dealing with this.' 

The individual will feel validated and understood but most of all cared for.

2. Let them know you're there with humour, if they need you. I have a girlfriend who suffers from anxiety so I'll send her a funny meme, tiktok or reel that I know she'll get a giggle out of. This always gets a response and I just leave something like, 'I thought you'd like that hun. Don't forget I'm here if you need me.'

Sometimes when people are in pain they can't talk about it or don't want to talk about it but they still want to know that you are there for them.

3. Make sure you listen without interrupting or telling your own story. This is big. Let the heartache be solely about them without offering any advice or offering a situation that happened to you.

Simply listen and even tell yourself to shut up inwardly. You can even repeat a few words that they say as a question (so you haven't slept in 2 days) so you they know you are actively listening to them and hearing what they are telling you.

4. When they are in pain or sad simply ask how you can help? Can I grab you some groceries for you? Do you want me to pick up the kids from school? Do you want me to come to your appointment with you? 

There is nothing like a friend who cares enough to actually ask how they can help you.

5. Another powerful thing that a girlfriend said to me when I had finished spilling my heart was, " I am so sorry that, that happened to you. I am just so sorry that happened.'

Two little sentences but they meant the world. Someone recognised how awful it had been for me and they were just sorry it had happened.

This is so much better than saying things like.. you need to just get on with it now, man up, stop worrying, you're stronger than that or stay strong.

We are good people with good hearts and we just need the tools sometimes to know the right things to say. I hope this helps! 

Big Smiles,

SZ. x