What is the meaning of a meaningful life?

If I died tomorrow would I have lived a meaningful life?

When I was a kid, I had so many dreams, mostly about entertainment. I wanted to act and sing and dance but mostly I wanted to make people laugh doing those things. I came from a family of pranksters on my Dads side and I thought they were hilarious. They were always saying funny things or singing little ditties or bursting into a jig.

My Nan lived just up the road and we always went to visit her. Dad would quietly enter her little home and usually she’d be at the sink washing up or cooking. Dad would sneak up on her and yell in her ear,  ‘Oh lovely day isn’t it mother!’ She would jump out of her skin and then proceed to chase him around the kitchen and whip him with the tea towel playfully in his face. We thought it was absolutely hilarious and would roll about laughing hysterically as if we had never seen this scenario before.

When the family got together, my Aunties would play the piano. They had taught themselves by numbering the keys and they would belt out the old hollywood classics. Everyone was singing , laughing and dancing in a very raucous manner. My Pop used to sing this crazy song that didn’t make any sense ‘Sartie finality, what to for tay?’ We had no idea what the words meant but his facial expressions had us in stitches and we would try and sing the words back to him. 

These were inevitably some of my happiest, most carefree days and I thought that I would go on to enjoy a life filled with forever fun and frivolity.

Fast forward to 52 years old and I have discovered that in between the dancing, singing and acting there's a thing called ‘adulting' where for some reason you have to learn responsibility. Add to that tragedy, sickness, death, heartbreak and disappointment and all of a sudden your dreams are moosh and you are bogged down in the severity of life. 

That’s the beauty of being a little kid with a family that protects you from real life, you just live with innocence, encapsulated in a world of wonder and entertainment. Your dreams are big because, well, they all seem attainable.

The years fly by, we are talking about a time warp conspiracy here, and you are left incredulous at how quickly your life has passed. At some point there will be reflection. You will look back on your life and ask yourself if it has been a life well lived. Did your life have meaning?

I did not become a singer, a dancer or an actor. I did not fulfil my dreams of making people laugh on the big stage. I did not do many things I thought I would.

I did not gain fame or real fortune.

But through trial and error, torture and pain, truth and lies, I found out what makes my life meaningful. For me, it is connection, value and a combination of peace, health and love.

Let me explain…

3 things that create a meaningful life for me.

1. Connection

For me it is connection to people…real connection. I want to feel love and be loved. I’ve learnt that having real love in my life has meant that I have to be lovable. Not all the time, (praise be that is impossible), but building relationships, solid relationships is key to my happiness and I need to show love to be loved.

My husband says to me, ‘I’m so glad we stayed together…I’m more than glad, I’m so relieved we made it through’.  Because frankly, we may not have. We were young and wild and free…and both headstrong. We argued with fury in the beginning. 

We saved our marriage through sheer determination and the acceptance of each other's differences. We are very different.

We worked hard on our marriage. We talked, communicated, cried and laughed and then talked some more. It was never the princess and prince story where you wake up every day, smile and sail smoothly through til sunset. But I adore him and his ‘different’ ways to mine have taught me many life lessons. I love him with my whole heart.

I’m convinced that nothing good in this world comes easy. 

If you want ‘deep connection’, strap yourself in. And that is ‘deep connection’ with anyone. Trust, honesty, loyalty takes years to build and minutes to undo. To receive connection you must have the courage to create it. You must build an unbreakable bond. Deep connection takes work and is the reason that really we only will achieve this with a handful of people, (maybe only one), in our life because the effort to achieve it is considerable. You have to build up a strong emotional bank account that can take recession, inflation, and withdrawals.

1. Value

A meaningful life is often correlated with providing value to others. 

What skill do you have that you can give back to the world? Who are you helping? How are you helping them? What service are you providing? I think to have, and live, a meaningful life you must give your talents to society and be generous with your gifts.

I have witnessed people retire and lose their passion for living. They just don’t feel like they are providing value to this world anymore. 

My Mum will turn 70 yrs old in July and she said to me the other day. ‘Ness, I don't want to retire. I sell jewellery for love. I make people happy and I don't want to give that up just yet.’

My mum finds value in guiding and helping people to buy gifts for their loved ones. She feels like she has a purpose and is providing a service that brings joy to others. A sense of purpose provides us with a sense of meaning in our lives. So to really feel happiness in your heart, I think you need to feel you bring value to this world through what you do or what service you provide. Having a more meaningful life may simply be recognising how you contribute to others and your environment.

1. Peace, Health and Love

 

These three things are interconnected. You MUST protect your peace at all costs. You MUST protect your mindset. You MUST protect your heart against negativity. You MUST learn to beat out the noise of others and find a home inside of you where things are tranquil.

Make peace with yourself first. So what if you’ve stuffed up in the past. We all do. Stop the guilt trips…they are wearing you down. Make PEACE with you!

People often ask how do I learn to be at peace inside myself?

I did a few things that really helped. 

• Firstly, I journaled every day. Getting my thoughts out onto the page really cleared my brain and I was free to think of other things for the day. 
• I also read affirmations that spurred me on to do the things I was passionate about. Repeating positive phrases every day eventually goes in to your mindeset. You start believing them.
• Audiobooks were gold. I simply would troll through audible until I found a title or author I liked, listened to a one minute sample, put my headphones on and then took some advice. Great advice from people who had lived through pain and heartache and had come out the other side. 
• I also made a vision board with how I wanted my life to pan out and I saved it as my phone screen background so I could look at it everyday.
• I found a hobby that I loved. I made candles and every night when I lit them, I felt a warm fuzzy in my heart. It felt good creating something.
• I started walking everyday which is the connection to health, started drinking less alcohol and eating healthier foods. Man does this help your brain.
• Finally, after doing all these things on repeat, the love came. I started loving my life and by loving my life I mean taking notice and being grateful for the little things. Loving a text message from my child, loving the take away coffee, loving the unexpected drop in from a friend, loving the new shoes I bought (always loving the shoes), loving the dinner I cooked, loving the new clean bathroom I finally cleaned. I started feeling love for the simple things in my life. 

You see, I didn't get the love, until I started repeatedly loving myself. 

And I know…all those hippie, new age kinda practices sound like they are not for you but trust me they are. Journaling is like glitter for your heart, it makes it sparkle again and affirmations create a warrior brain, they make you strong to deal with the hurt. Audio books give you new ideas and passion and a vision board reminds you every day of where you are going. You begin to walk in that direction. 

Feeling good is all about ‘thinking good’ and you need the above ways to do it…plus candles and chocolate, they never hurt anyone. 

So if I died tomorrow would I have lived a meaningful life? 

The answer is a strong resounding yes because I fought for this life. It didn’t just happen. I fought for love, I fought for peace, I fought for my health, I fought against mean people invading my headspace, I fought against not getting the job, I fought against failure, I fought for all of it.

If you want a good life, if you want a meaningful life, get into the ring and fight for it. Fight for connection, fight to find your purpose, fight for your peace of mind.

Only when you are staring the punches in the face and willingly standing up to block them again and again and refusing to get out of the ring until you hear the victory bell, then you will know happiness like you never have before, then you will know true meaning. The happy bits that encapsulate your whole being.

A meaningful life does not mean you’re ALWAYS happy. A meaningful life means you stand up to the bad and rejoice wholeheartedly in the good.

As Oprah says:

‘The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.’

Get the decorations out, Beauty, put the music on, turn it up and do a few high kicks.

Your life is worth all that!